The Chancellor’s tweets – a translation

Written by Holly Firmin

The last few years have seen politicians finally realise the potential of social media as a tool in spreading their ideas and rallying support. However, unfortunately for George Osborne, he has yet to get the hang of digital communication. I have translated some examples of his tweets to help George along.

GEORGE 1

‘Britain deserves a pay rise and Britain is getting a payrise – today I am introducing the National Living Wage’ = ‘I am disguising the fact that I have stamped on all you peasants by introducing a living wage, that, once I take away your tax credits, won’t be a ‘living’ wage anyway’

george 2

‘Today I am committing to meet NATO 2% pledge every year. This is a budget that delivers national security for all of Britain’ = ‘It’s okay that you can’t feed your family because I am buying bombs and shit’

george 3

‘We will take the family home out of Inheritance tax. Promise made. Promise delivered’ = ‘I keep the promises I make if they mainly help rich people’

george 4

‘The @OBR forecast national debt falling in every future year. We’ve left age of irresponsibility behind & will fix roof while sun is shining’ – ‘We’ve left the age of equality and social justice behind and I love ambiguous metaphors’

george 5

‘Britain is fundamentally stronger than 5 years ago. But greatest mistake would be to think all our problems are solved’ – ‘You thought the last 5 years were bad, wait ‘till you see what I’ve got in store for you this time’

george 6

‘We will support the vulnerable and ensure those with the broadest shoulders are bearing the greatest burden’ – ‘I will do the exact opposite of what I say’

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